So what does it mean to drive a MINI John Cooper Works?

What is a MINI John Cooper Works?

A MINI is a funky yet functional British hatchback that's driven by someone cool, calm and creative. John Cooper Works, or JCW for short, is a moniker that's reserved for the most potent MINI models. Combine the two and you get a British car that will exclusively sizzle ma nizzle from nought to hundred in no longer then 6.5 seconds. Currently, there's the Hatchback, Convertible, Clubman and Countryman.

The MINI JCW Hatch is capable of 6.1-second century sprint

Can a MINI JCW get the job done?

You obviously didn't read the above phrase on sizzle ma nizzle. Well, to be fair, it may not seem like a car that can do its job at first. But a MINI JCW is actually capable of getting a number of tasks completed other than allowing passers-by to upload pictures of them on social media. MINI JCW models are naturals when it comes to drag races, high cornering speeds and modelling, given its low-slung funky designs and tight dimensions.

Do I have to reward my MINI JCW with a trophy for every job well done?

It will require a trophy, yes. You could get away with a certificate of participation at times, but given its off-the-line sprint capabilities, I'd say your MINI JCW would bag a couple of trophies without you having to break a sweat. Don't forget to give it a thorough rinse after every job or two, preferably with high-quality liquid soap. This way, you car won't look tired out at the parking lot.

The MINI JCW Convertible is best enjoyed with the top down

Will my MINI JCW require remuneration for its work?

Do you require remuneration for your work? Same logic. Unless the car is reaching its end of its 10-year lifespan and you want to scrap it or you hate it so much you want to see it rot in pieces, try not to be stingy with the quality of petrol you use.

You don't have to use the best of the best, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to 'pay' your high-performance car with Shell 95 or Esso 92 RON. You're a MINI JCW driver, you get my drift. Treat it how you want to be treated. Same logic.

Why does my MINI JCW not seem motivated to win drag races?

That's because you're not paying it well enough. Please refer to previous two answers to solve your problem.

MINI JCW Clubman: Practicality and sporty in one sweet package

My particular MINI JCW model seems to be doing 3km/L. Why?

Oh dear. Sounds like you got yourself a really selfish and faulty model. Please head to your nearest MINI showroom or a hipster cafe and exchange it for a spanking new one.

Can I listen to a working radio for a change in my MINI JCW?

Which car did you say you drive again? A Fiat, was it? Or was it Chery? Anyway, listen buddy, millennial, kid, whatever it is they call you - the exhaust note is good enough. And don't you worry, the radio works just fine. It even comes with Bluetooth connectivity or Apple CarPlay if you need, but the exhaust note should be Metallica enough for you. Or Disturbed. Or Korn. Or Guns and Roses.

So should I treat my MINI JCW like how I treat my wife?

It's certainly worth the shot… and then some.

Listen, I've been treating my MINI JCW like the missus but she's still doing 3km/L…

Sorry, the nearest MINI showroom or a hipster cafe wasn't a joke. In my limited experience, no car does 3km/L. Not even a badly modified BMW M5. You need to get the car checked.